The Journey From Life To Death

Elizabeth with Nick and Simon in hospital,

I went into labour quite convinced that I would give birth to another baby girl, a sister for Marie. Lawrence and I had even chosen her name. When the doctor told me that I was going to have twins, I was so surprised. I think the delight on my face is evident after the birth of my identical twins, Nicholas and Simon.

Nick and Simon very young

I was so proud of my beautiful boys with their golden hair on their first day at nursery. By the end of that memorable day Nicholas (on the right) had managed to get his head stuck between two rungs of a chair. I was asked to wait at the door of the nursery while the nursery staff sawed him free!

Boys at primary school,

The boys were thrilled when they got their first school uniform, especially when they could wear a tie – although it took ages for them to tie the knot. Sister Joseph, their first infant school teacher, said they were ‘lovable rascals’ and she could never tell them apart. Many was the time the boys swapped their name badges to confuse her.

Nick, portrait

At the start of his GCSE course at his public school in Bath, Nick was a handsome, healthy and happy teenager, very popular with the girls. Nick did not enjoy academic work as much as his brother, his mind was more on the girls. Sometimes they even went on each other’s dates to see if the girls would notice.

Having achieved eight GCSEs, Nick went on to the sixth form to study A levels, eventually hoping to go on to university. But he always struggled with his academic work. Would any mother sense that her son was already heavily into smoking cannabis and other recreational drugs if he looked so healthy and handsome?

Nick and girlfriend

A young baby-faced Nick, very much in love with his first serious girlfriend.

21st birthday party photo

Nick and Simon were happily overwhelmed on their 21st birthday when one of the surprise guests arrived. It was none other than their nursery nurse, Beverley, and the expression on their faces shows both delight and surprise. How could I have possibly known that within months they would both be heroin addicts?

Boys playing golf

Here’s the proof that teenagers and young adults can successfully keep their parents in the dark. At first sight this picture of Simon and Nick taken at the golf course looks quite an ordinary picture of my two sons enjoying themselves. Behind the smiles however, was a deadly secret, as they slid deeper and deeper into their heroin addiction.

Elizabeth’s graduation shot

Tony, Nick, Simon and me outside the Sheldonian Theatre. It was a really special day for me – my Master’s Degree ceremony at Oxford University in October 2000. Nick, on the left, looks quite happy and healthy, but looking back with the knowledge I have now, all the signs of drug abuse are there with Simon – deathly pale, losing weight and ill-fitting clothes.

Simon in empty house lying on ground on sleeping bag

I always took my camera with me whenever I went to look for Simon and Nick when they were homeless. Here I captured Simon sleeping rough at Stephen and Marion’s empty house in Basingstoke. Hidden under the sleeping bag were several used needles which Simon did not want me to see.

Hand with wraps of heroin

‘You think you could never become a disgrace and end up addicted to poppy seed waste.’ These five small bags of heroin in the palm of Nick’s hand (worth £150) are what destroyed not only Nick and Simon’s lives, but their family’s lives too.

Nick and Simon on train platform

Nick and Simon standing side-by-side at Paddington station the day Nick went to the Florence Nightingale Clinic in London to begin a detoxification programme. Who would ever have thought they were identical twins? As Simon begins to recover and look well again, Nick’s decline is only too obvious.

Nick outside rehab 10 days later

A happy day with every sign of hope: Nick holds his ‘opiate free’ certificate given to him by the staff of the Florence Nightingale Hospital. Both my sons were now heroin free – but within weeks Nick and Simon would be using heroin again.

Nick in pub, looking very rough

Where has my son Nick gone? Tough love means you have to let the addict hit rock bottom, but it was heart-wrenching to photograph Nick in this state. To witness your son homeless, filthy, unshaven, with bruises and injection marks all over his arms was just awful.

Simon, relapse, 2003 - The true face of heroin

What can a mother say when she sees her other son like this? Having seen Simon make what appeared to be such a good recovery, it was shocking that I did not recognise my own son when I found him on the streets.

Scoring drugs outside shops

Here Nick and Simon were arranging to meet their drug dealer in the car park behind the shops in Wokingham. Make no mistake about it; drug dealing can take place anywhere, any time.

Nick and Simon, 27^th birthday

A treasured memory for Simon and me – a photograph of Nick and Simon taken on the eve of their 27th birthday. Even though I believed they were off drugs, the grip heroin had on both of them meant they had become ‘giro junkies’: they used heroin whenever they got their giro cheques. Within three months, Nick would be dead.

This box was found by Nick’s body

Nick’s grave

Every time we visit Nick’s memorial stone at the cemetery, it is a fierce reminder that drugs can and do kill. A mother and stepfather lost their son, a sister lost her brother, and an identical twin lost his soul mate. (Photograph reproduced by kind permission of Andrews Photography, High Wycombe.)

A new beginning for us all

Simon, Tony and I are great friends again. After so much dysfunction I feel we have survived and can look to the future as an ordinary family again. (Photograph reproduced by kind permission of INS news agency, Winnersh, Reading.)